British style
|
American style
|
1. Inside
Messrs
Black & Sons,
159
Knightsbridge,
London
SWL 87C
The
International Trading Company
24
Churchill Avenue
Maidstone,
Kent
ZH8
92B
|
Address
(company)
International
Trading Company
Sabas
Building
507
A. Flores Street
Manila
Philippines
The
American Magazine
119
Sixth Avenue
New
York, NY 11011
|
British style
|
American style
|
2. Addressing an individual
The
Manager
The
Hongkong and Shanghai
Banking
Corporation
Main
Office
Kuala
Lumpur
Malaysia
Dear
Sir,
Dear
Sirs,
Messrs
Mahmound & Son
329
Coast Road
Karachi,
Pakistan
3. Addressing an individual
T.
Hardy, Esq.,
c/o
Waltons Ltd.,
230
Snow Street,
Birmingham,
England
Dear
Tom,
Miss
Claire Waterson
c/o
Miller & Sons Pty. Ltd.
Box
309
Sydney
NSW 2000
Australia
|
on
company business
Mr.
C.C. Pan
Far
East Jewelry Co.
68
Queen's Road East
Hong
Kong
Dear
Sir:
Gentlemen:
The
Standard Oil Company
Midland
Building
Cleveland,
Ohio 44115
on private business
Mr.
C. Manzi
Credito
Milano
Via
Cavour 86
Milan
Italy
Dear
Mr. Manzi,
Continental
Supply Company
321
Surawongse
Bangkok
Thailand
|
Style and punctuation of addresses
Both
the addresses may be 'blocked' (i.e. each line is vertically aligned with the
one above) or 'indented', as below:
Bredgade 51,
DK 1269,
Copenhagen K,
DENMARK
There are no rules stating
that one style or the other must be used, though blocking, at least in
addresses, is more common. In any case you must be consistent, i.e. do not
block the sender's address and then indent the inside address.
If punctuation is
used, each line of the address is followed by a comma, except the last line.
But, the majority of firms now use open punctuation, i.e. without any commas.
'For the attention of'
An alternative to including
the recipient's name or position in the address is to use an 'attention of'.
e.g. For the attention of Mr.
R. Singh (British English) or
Attention: Mr. E.G.
Glass, Jr. (American English)
Salutations
·
Dear Sir opens a letter written to a man whose name you do not
know.
·
Dear Sirs is used to address a company. Note: in the US - Gentlemen.
·
Dear Madam is used to address a woman, whether single or married,
whose name you do not know.
·
Dear Sir or Madam is used to address a person you know neither the name
nor the sex.
·
When you do not know the name of
the person you are writing to, the salutation takes the form of Dear followed
by a courtesy tille and the person's surname. Initials or first names are not
generally used in salutations: Dear Mr Smith, not Dear Mr J. Smith.
The comma after the salutation is optional.
The body of the letter
This may be indented or
blocked. It is as matter of choice. Whichever style you use, you must be
consistent and use that style all through the letter.
It is usual to
leave a line space between paragraphs in the body of the letter; if the blocked
style is used, this is essential.
For the information
concerning the linguistic aspect of writing the body of the letter, consult the
following chapters of my diploma paper.
Complimentary closes
·
If the letter begins with Dear
Sir , Dear Sirs, Dear Madam, Dear Sir or Madam, it will close with Yours
faithfully.
·
If the letter begins with a
personal name - Dear Mr James, Dear Mr. Robinson - it will close with Yours
sincerely.
·
Avoid closing with old-fashioned
phrases such as We remain your faithfully, or Respectfully yours,
etc.
·
Note that Americans tend to close
even formal letters with Yours truly or Truly yours, which is
unusual in the UK in commercial correspondence. But a letter to a friend or
acquaintance may end with Yours truly or the casual Best wishes.
The comma after the
complimentary close is optional. The position of the complimentary close - on
the right, left or in the center of the page - is the matter of choice. It
depends on the style of the letter (blocked letters tend to put the close on
the left, indented letters tend to put them in the centre) and on the firm's
preference.
Signature
Always
type your name after your handwritten signature and your position in the firm
after you typed signature. This is known as 'the signature block'. Even though
you may think your signature is easy to read, letters such as 'a', 'e', 'o',
and 'v' can easily be confused.
It
is, to some extend, a matter of choice whether you sign with your initial(s),
e.g. D. Jenkins, or your given name, e.g. David Jenkins, and
whether you include a courtesy title, e.g. Mr., Mrs., Miss, Ms. In your
signature block. But if you give neither your given name nor your title, your
correspondent will not be able to identify your sex and may give you the wrong
title when he/she replies. It is safer therefore, to sign to sign with your
given name, and safest of all to include your title.
Including
titles in signatures is, in fact, more common among women then among men,
partly because many women like to make it clear either that they are married
(Mrs.) or unmarried (Miss) or that their martial status is not relevant (Ms.),
and partly because there is a tendency to believe that important positions in a
company can only be held by men. It would do no harm for men to start
including their titles in their signatures.
Per pro
The
term 'per pro' (p.p.) is sometimes used in signatures and means 'for and on
behalf of'. Secretaries sometimes use p.p. when signing a letter on
behalf of their bosses.
When
writing on behalf of your company, it is useful to indicate your position in
the firm in the signature.
Enclosures
If
ther are many enclosures, e.g. leaflets, prospectus, etc., with the letter,
these may be mentioned in the body of the letter. But many firms in any case write
Enc. or Encl. At the bottom of the letter, and if there are a
number of documents, these are listed, e.g.
Enc.
Bill of landing (5copies)
Insurance certificate (1
copy)
Bill of exchange (1 copy)
Some further features of a business letter
1.
'Private and confidential'
This
phrase may be written at the head of a letter above salutation, and more
importantly on the envelope, in cases where the letter is intended only for ht
eyes of the named recipient.
There
are many variations of the phrase - 'Confidential', 'Strictly Confidential' -
but little difference in meaning between them.
2.
Subject title
Some
firms open their letters with a subject title (beneath the salutation). This
provides a further reference, saves introducing the subject in the first paragraph,
immediately draws attention to the topic of the letter, and allows the writer
to refer to it throughout the letter.
It
is not necessary to begin the subject title with Re: e.g. Re:
Application for the post of typist.
3.
Copies
·
c.c. (= carbon copies) is written, usually at the end of
the letter, when copies are sent to people other than the named recipient.
·
b.c.c. (=blind carbon copies) is written at the copies
themselves, though not, on the top copy, when you do not want the named
recipient to know that other people have received the copies as well.
2. Content of a business letter
Length
How
long should a letter be? The answer is as long as necessary and this will
depend on the subject of the letter.
It may be a simple subject, e.g. thanking a customer
for a cheque, or quite complicated, e.g. explaining how a group insurance
policy works. It is a question of how much information you put in the letter:
you may give too little (even for a brief subject), in which case your letter
will be too short, or too much (even for a complicated subject), in which case
it will be too long. Your style and the kind of language you use can also
affect the length. The right length includes the right amount of information.
The three letters that follow are written by different
people in reply to the same enquiry from a Mr. Arrand about the company's
product:
1. Too long
Dear Mr.
Arrand,
Thank you very
much for your enquiry of 5 November which we receive today. We often receive
enquiries from large stores and always welcome them, particularly at this time
of the year when we know that you will be stocking for Christmas.
We have
enclosed our winter catalogue and are sure you will be extremely impressed by
the wide range of watches that we stock. You will see that they range from the
traditional to the latest in quartz movements and include ranges for men, women
and children, with prices that should suit upper-market bracket priced at
several hundred pounds. But whether you buy a cheaper or more expensive model
we guarantee all merchandise for two years with a full service.
Enclosed you
will also find our price-list giving full details on c.i.f. prices to London
and explaining our discounts which we think you will find very generous and
which we hope will take full advantage of.
We are always
available to offer you further information about our products and can promise
you personal attention whenever you require it. This service is given to all
our customers throughout the world, and as you probably know, we deal with
countries from the Far East to Europe and Latin America., and this fact alone
bears out our reputation which has been established for more than a hundred
years and has made our motto a household world - Time for Everyone.
Once again may
we thank you for your enquiry and say that we look forward to hearing from you
in the near future?
Yours
sincerely,
There are a number of things wrong with a letter of
this sort. Though it tries to advertise the products and the company itself, it
is too wordy.
There is no need to explain that stores or shops are
stocking for Christmas; the customer is aware of this. Rather than draw
attention to certain items the customer might be interested in, the letter only
explains what the customer can already see, that there is a wide selection of
watches in the catalogue covering the full range of market prices.
In addition, the writer goes on unnecessarily to
explain which countries the firm sells to, the history of company and its
rather unimpressive motto.
2. Too short
Dear Sir,
Thank you for
your enquiry. We have a wide selection of watches which we are sure you will
like. We will be sending a catalogue soon.
Yours
faithfully,
There are number of points missing from
this letter, quite apart from the fact that, since the writer knew the name of
his correspondent he should have begun the letter Dear Mr Arrand and
ended Yours sincerely. There is no reference to the date or reference
number of the enquiry.
Catalogues should be have sent with a
reply to the enquiry; it is annoying for a customer to have to wait for further
information to be sent. Even if a catalogue is sent, the customer's attention
should be drawn to particular items that would interest him/her in the line of
business. He/she might be concerned with the upper or lower end of the market.
He might want moderately priced items, or expensive ones.
3. The right length
Here is a letter that is more suitable:
Dear Mr Arrand, Thank you
for your enquiry of 5 November.
We have enclosed our winter
catalogue and price-list giving details of c.i.f. London prices, discounts and
delivery dates.
Though you will see we offer
a wide selection of watches, may we draw your attention to pp. 23-28, and pp.
31-37 in our catalogue, which we think might suit the market you are dealing
with? And on page 34 you will notice our latest designs in pendant watches,
which are becoming fashionable for both men and women.
As you are probably aware,
all our products are fully guaranteed and backed by our world-wide reputation.
If there is any further
information you require, please contact us. Meanwhile, we look forward to
hearing from you soon.
Yours sincerely,
Let's sum up the basic rules concerning
the letter length.
The letter should be neither too long nor too short.
It is better to include too much information than too little. Your reader
cannot read your mind. If you leave out vital information, he won't know what
he wants to know, unless he writes back again and he may not bother to do that.
If you include extra information, at
least he'll have what he wants, even though he may irritated by having to read
the unnecessary parts. Provided, of course, that you include the vital
information as well as the extras: the worst letter of all is the one that
gives very piece of information about the product, except for the price.
Order and sequence
As well as containing the right amount
of information, the letter should also make all the necessary points in a
logical sequence, with each idea or piece of information linking up with the
previous one in a pattern that can be followed. Do not jump around making a
statement, switching to other subjects, then referring back to the point you
made a few sentences or paragraphs before.
1. Unclear sequence
Consider this badly-written letter. There is no clear
sequence to the letter, which makes it difficult to understand.
Dear Sir,
We are
interested in your security system. We would like to know more about the prices
and discounts you offer.
A business
associate of ours, DMS (Wholesalers) Ltd., mentioned your name to us and showed
us a catalogue. They were impressed with the security system you installed for
them, so we are writing to you about it. Do you give us guarantees with the
installations?
In your
catalogue we saw the 'Secure 15' which looks as though it might suit our
purposes. DMD had the 'Secure 18' installed, but as we mentioned, they are
wholesalers, while we are a chain of stores. We would like something that can
prevent robbery and shoplifting, so the 'Secure 15' might suit us.
How long would
it take to install a system that would serve all departments? Could you send
us an inspector or adviser to see us at some time?
If you can
offer competitive prices and guarantees we would put your system in all our
outlets, but initially we would only install the system in our main branch.
We would like
to make a decision on this soon, so we would appreciate an early reply.
Yours
faithfully,
2.Clear sequence
Here is a better version of the same letter, in which
the ideas and information are in logical order.
Dear Mr. Jerry,
We are a chain
of retail stores and are looking for an efficient security system. You were
recommended to us by our associates DMS (Wholesalers) Ltd. for whom you
recently installed an alarms system, the 'Secure 18'.
We need an
installation which would give us comprehensive protection against robbery and
shoplifting throughout all departments; and the' Secure 15' featured in your
catalogue appears to suit us. However, if one of your representatives could
come along to see us, he would probably be able to give us more advice and
details of the available systems.
Initially, we
will test your system in our main branch, and if successful, then extend it
throughout our other branches, but of course a competitive quotation and full
guarantees for maintenance and service would be necessary.
Please reply as
soon as possible as we would like to make a decision within the next few
months. Thank you
Yours
sincerely,
Paragraphs
1.
First paragraph
The first sentence or paragraph of a letter is an
important one since it gets the tone of the letter and gives your reader his
first impression of you and your company. Generally speaking, in the first
paragraph you will thank your correspondent for his letter (if replying to an
enquiry), introduce yourself and your company if necessary, state the subject
of the letter, and set out the purpose of the letter. Here are two examples:
Thank you for
your enquiry dated 8 July in which you asked us about our range of cosmetics.
As you have probably seen in our advertisements in fashion magazines, we appeal
to a wide age-group from the teenage market trough to more mature women, with
our products being retailed in leading stores throughout the world.
Thank you for
your letter of 19 August which I received today. We can certainly supply you
with the industrial floor coverings you asked about, and enclosed you will find
a catalogue illustrating our wide range of products, which are used in
factories and offices throughout the world.
2.
Middle paragraphs
This is the main part of your letter and will concern
the points that need to be made, answers you wish to give, or questions you
want to ask. As this can vary widely with the type of letter that you are
writing, it is dwelt in other parts of my diploma work.
It is in the middle paragraphs of a
letter that planning is most important, to make sure that your points are made
clearly, fully and in logical sequence.
3.
Final paragraph
When closing the letter, you should thank the person
for writing, if your letter is a reply and if you have not done this at the
beginning. Encourage further enquiries or correspondence, and mention that you
look forward to hearing from your correspondent soon. You may also wish to
restate , very briefly, one or two the most important of the points you have
made in the main part of the letter. Here are some examples:
Once again
thank you for writing to us, and please contact us if you would like any
further information. To go briefly over the points I have made - all prices are
quoted c.i.f. Yokahama; delivery would be six weeks from receipt of order; and
payment should be made by bank draft. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
I hope I have
covered all the questions you asked, but please contact me if there are any
other details you require. May I just point out that the summer season will
soon be with us, so please place an order as soon as possible so that it can be
met in good time for when the season starts. I hope to hear from you in the
near future.
We are sure
that you have made the right choice in choosing this particular line as it is
proving to be a leading seller. If there is any advice or further information
you want, we shall be happy to supply it, and look forward to hearing from you.
3. Rules and manners for writing a business letter
·
Main steps
·
Technical
layout of letter
·
A letter's
style
Writing an effective business letter is an important
skill for every manager and business owner.In this brief overview we will
examine the five main steps in creating an effective business letter.
Main Steps:
1.Identify your Aims:
Clearly establish what you
want to achieve from the letter- whether it is to win back a dissatisfied
customer or to reprimand an employee.Whatever the aim, create your letter from
these goals.
2.
Establish the facts:
Make sure you have the
relevant accurate facts available. For a late payer,this might include relevant
invoices, complaint forms, talks with your sales department and any previous
correspondence from the customer.
3.
Know the recipient of the
letter:
Write in the language of
your recipient. Try to put yourself in the position of the recipient. Read it
from his point of view. Is the letter clear or open to misinterpretation. If you
know the recipient, use this knowledge to phrase the letter to generate your
desired response.
4.
Create a sample Copy:
Having established your
aims, amassed the relevant facts with a conscious view of the recipient- write
down the main points of your letter.
5.
Decide on Physical layout
of letter.
The physical appearance of a
letter consists of the paper and the envelope. The first thing a
recipient sees is the envelope. It is essential that it is of suitable quality
with the name and address spelt correctly.Quality envelopes and paper suggest a
professional company. It is wise to make sure the envelope matches
the size of the paper.While you will use 81/2 x 11 inches(A4 size) sized paper
for the majority of letters - a 4 x 6 inches(A5) can be used for specific
shorter letters.But insist that properly sized envelopes are used for this A5
size paper,allowing you maintain and convey an coordinated image.
Technical layout of letter:
1.Letterhead:
This will include your
company's name, address, telephone number, fax number and email address.
Include your web address if available. Other information may be required
depending on the legal status of your business formation.Contact your legal
adviser for exact details.
2.
Name and address:
Always include the
recipient's name, address and postage code. Add job title if approriate. Double
check that you have the correct spelling of the recipient 's name .
3.Date:
Always date your
letters.Never abbreviate January to Jan. 31.
4.Reference:
These are optional.They are a
good idea if you have a large volume of correspondence.These day modern word
processors made this an easy task to complete and maintain.
5.Salutations:
The type of salutation
depends on your relationship with the recipient. Always try to personalise
letter thus avoiding the dear sir/madam situation.
6.Subject matter:
Again this is optional, but
its inclusion can help the recipient in dealing successfully with the aims of
your letter. Normally the subject sentence is preceded with the word Re: It
should be placed one line below the greeting.
7.Communication:
This will contain a number of
paragraphs, each paragraph dealing with one point and one point only.
8.Signature:
The signature should be clear
and legible-showing you are interested in the letter and consequently the
recipient.Your signature should also be followed underneath by a typed version
of your name and your job title.
9.Enclosures:
If you include other material
in the letter, put 'Enclosure','Enc', or' Encs', as appropriate, two lines
below the last entry.
A letter's style:
Previously
we created the main points of our letter, now we must transform this into a
final version.To do this, four main considerations are necessary.
1.Format:
There are three main formats:
blocked, semi-blocked and indented.
The
former has all entries tight against the left -hand margin.The semi-blocked
format sets the references and the date to the right margin for filing and
retrieval purposes, with the remaining entries placed against the left margin.
The
indented format follows the same layout as either of the above, but indents
each paragraph by five or six spaces.
2.Prose:
Clarity of communication is
the primary goal. Don't use technical jargon if the recipient is
unlikely to understand it. Short sentences are less likely to be misunderstood
or misinterperted. Be precise , don't ramble. Check each sentence
to see if it is relevant.Does it add to the point ?
3.
Manner:
Always try to personalise
your letters. Always try to be civil and friendly even if the subject matter is
stern and sensitive.Give the impression to the recipient that some effort and
thought has gone into the letter.
4.
Accuracy:
Once the final version of the
letter has been created, polish it off with a final spelling and punctuation
check.
Letter writing etiquette
Always
make sure you start and end your letters correctly. If you are writing to Mrs
Jane Smith then you should start the letter 'Dear Mrs Smith' and finish it with
'Yours sincerely' - N.B. 'sincerely' does not start with a capital 'S'.
Particular
care is required when you are writing to a woman. If she has just written her
name as Jane Smith do you start the letter 'Dear Jane' or 'Dear Ms Smith'. She
might be offended if you refer to her as 'Ms' and you might not feel
comfortable writing 'Dear Jane' as it sounds too familiar. To get round this
problem all you have to do is ring the company and ask them how she likes to be
addressed. If there is not a telephone number for the company in the
advertisement just call Directory Enquires (dial 192 in the UK). When you ring
the company all you have to say is that you are writing to Jane Smith and you
would like to know whether she is a Ms, Mrs or Miss so your letter can be
correctly addressed.
If
the advertisement just says reply to J. Smith how would you address the letter?
Dear Sir? or Dear Madam? Dear Mr Smith? You would be well advised to ring the
company and find out J. Smith's full name and title (Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss). Remember politeness
costs you nothing, but it can really pay dividends and you will
probably be the only person who has bothered to find out. This may distinguish
you from everyone else who applied - being noticed is the key to writing a
potential interview-winning covering letter.
If
the advertisement just says write to the Personnel Department or reply to Box
Number 55 it may not be possible for you to find out who will be handling your
reply. In these cases you will have to start your letter 'Dear Sir/Madam' and
finish the letter with 'Yours faithfully'. Please note that 'faithfully' does
not start with a capital 'F'.
Striking the Right Tone
An underlying goal of
most business letters you write is to promote goodwill between you and your
reader. Especially when writing to someone for the first time, you should use a
tone that will encourage that person to listen to you and want to work with you
now and in the future
If your
letter is primarily informational or contains good news, a direct approach is
usually best. State your point or offer your news immediately and briefly, and
then explain any other information the reader needs to know.
Finding the proper tone
is more difficult if you are delivering bad news. In this case, taking an
indirect approach may be a better strategy. In the first few sentences, for
example, you could begin on a positive note by stating how much you want to
work with the reader’s company or by reminding the reader of times you
accommodated his or her requests in the past. When you do get to your point,
try to minimize the reader’s disappointment or anger by delivering the message
in carefully considered language that conveys your news clearly but tactfully.
Establishing a Courteous Tone
The fast pace of
letters makes it easy to send a message without fully considering the nuances
of its tone. If you do not take the time to think about your words and how they
may be perceived, your letters may seem overly blunt or even insulting.
A simple
rule can keep you from writing inadvertently offensive letters: Always ask yourself how you
would feel if you received the message you are sending. If you would bristle at
its terseness, you can assume the reader will as well. If you are unsure how
the message might be taken, ask for someone else’s opinion, or let it sit
overnight and read it again the next morning with a fresh eye.
If
someone sends you a rude e-mail message (or “flame,” in e-mail slang), take a moment to calm down before
responding. The best way to douse a flame is to write back using the most
neutral and measured tone you can muster. In some cases it’s best not to
respond to a flame.
4. Style of a business letter
Now I will deal with some common writing problems that do not involve
rules of grammar. These problems—of parallelism, redundancy, and the like—are
more rhetorical than grammatical; that is, they involve choices you must make as
a writer trying to create a certain style of expression. You must determine
what stylistic choices will afford greater clarity and cogency to each of your
efforts to communicate. We all make different choices when faced with different
communicative tasks depending on what we feel will be most effective. An
expression that is appropriate for a formal letter may be utterly off-putting
in an informal message.
A successful and distinctive writing style is
an elusive bird of paradise. It is unmistakable once you see it but difficult
to find. It involves many things: creating an appropriate voice for your
purpose, choosing the right words for the subject and audience, constructing
elegant sentences whose rhythm reinforces their meaning, presenting an argument
in a logical fashion that is both engaging and easy to follow, finding vivid
images to make thoughts accessible to your readers. You can probably add to
this list. You may, for example, want to shock or jolt your audience rather
than court it, and this strategy requires stylistic features that are quite
different from those you would use for gentle persuasion.
Parallelism
Most memorable writing has as one of its recognizable features the
ample use of parallel grammatical structures. A basic guideline about parallel
constructions is to make sure that all the elements in a balanced pair or in a
series have the same grammatical form. That is, if you start with a
that-clause, stick with that-clauses; if you start with an infinitive, stick
with infinitives; if you start with a participle, stick with participles; and
so on. What you don’t want is a mixed bag, as in She had a strong desire to
pursue medicine and for studying literature or The scientist asked for
volunteers with allergies but who had not given blood recently.
A second point is to make sure that once you have
chosen the kind of grammatical forms you want to make parallel, you structure
them symmetrically. Remember that an initial article, preposition, auxiliary
verb, or modifier will tend to govern all elements in the series unless it is
repeated for each element. For example, if you set up a series of nouns with
the first modified by an adjective, the reader will expect the adjective to
modify the rest of the series as well. Thus you should say The building has new
lighting, plumbing, and carpeting but not The building has new lighting,
plumbing, and different carpeting. The same is true for articles: He brought
the rod, reel, and bait. If you want to restrict a modifier to only one noun,
repeat the article for each noun: He brought the light rod, the reel, and the
bait.
When you spot a faulty parallel, recast the
structure to give all the elements equivalent treatment. If your new parallel
construction does not seem much of an improvement, rewrite the sentence
completely to avoid the parallel construction. Better to have no parallel
structures than to have parallel structures that sound overblown or stilted.
Faulty parallelism is all around us. We see
and hear it every day—often without taking notice. How many times have you
heard Please leave your name, number, and a brief message? After waiting for
the tone, have you ever objected to the imperfect symmetry of this sentence? In
our most recent ballot we presented some sentences with questionable
parallelism to the usage panelists to see how tolerant they would be. As we
expected, they had a range of opinions.
Crafting sentences with flawless parallelism takes
effort and practice. Even if your readers don’t notice or object when you make
mistakes, balance and symmetry are worth striving for in your writing. There
are certain constructions that are notorious for throwing things out of whack.
I listed some of them below.
both … and …
comparisons with as and than
compound verbs
either … or / neither … nor
not only … but also
rather than
Passive Voice
Writing handbooks usually include warnings
about the passive voice—it is wordy and clumsy and leads to static rather than
dynamic writing. There is truth to this, certainly, but the passive voice also
has legitimate uses, and in many instances it is preferable to the active
voice.
Such phrases as "The material will
be delivered"; "The start date is to be decided";
"The figures must be approved" are obscure ones leaving unsettled
who it is that delivers, who decides, and who does the approving. Which side
it is to be? Lawsuits are the plausible outcome of leaving it all
unsettled. Passives used in contracts can destroy the whole negotiations.
"You will deliver" is better for it identifies the one who will do
delivering. Certainly, "must be approved by us" violates other
canons. "We shall have the right but not the obligation to approve"
is less unfortunate.
There is no doubt that passives do not
suit business letters, and if they go all the way through without adding
something like "by you" or "by us" they are intolerable.
Once in a long while one may find passives used purposely to leave something
unresolved.
Redundancy
A certain amount of redundancy is built in to the
English language, and we would never consider getting rid of it. Take
grammatical number, for instance. Sentences such as 'He drives
to work' and 'We are happy'
contain redundant verb forms. The -s of drives indicates singularity of the
subject, but we already know the subject is singular from the singular pronoun
he. Similarly, are indicates a plural subject, which is already evident from
the plural pronoun we. Number is also indicated redundantly in phrases like
this book and those boxes, where the demonstrative adjective shows number and
the noun does as well.
But there are redundant ways of saying things
that can make the rest of your writing seem foolish. Many of these are common
expressions that go unnoticed in casual conversation but that stick out like
red flags in writing. Why say at this point in time instead of now, or because
of the fact that when because will do? Something that is large in size is
really just large. The trouble lies less in the expressions themselves than in
their accumulated effect. Anyone can be forgiven for an occasional redundancy,
but writing that is larded with redundancies is likely to draw unwanted laughs
rather than admiration.
Listed below are some of the more problematic
redundancies.
but … however
close proximity
consensus
consider as / deem as
cross section
else
empty rhetoric
equally as
free gift
from whence
inside of
mental telepathy
old adage
rarely ever / seldom ever
reason is because
reason why
refer back
revert back
VAT tax
Wordiness
In a world in which efficiency has become a
prime value, most people view economy in wording as a sign of intelligence. Its
opposite, therefore, is often considered a sign of stupidity. Most of us are
busy and impatient people. We hate to wait. Using too many words is like asking
people to stand in line until you get around to the point. It is irritating,
which hardly helps when you are trying to win someone’s goodwill or show that
you know what you’re talking about. What is worse, using too many words often makes
it difficult to understand what is being said. It forces a reader to work hard
to figure out what is going on, and in many cases the reader may simply decide
it is not worth the effort. Another side effect of verbosity is the tendency to
sound overblown, pompous, and evasive. What better way to turn off a reader?
It is easy to recommend concision in
expression but much harder to figure out how to achieve it. In general, wordy
writing has three distinguishing characteristics: weak verbs, ponderous nouns,
and lots of prepositional phrases. The three are interconnected.
The key to writing clearly and concisely is
to use strong active verbs. This means that you should only use the passive
voice when you have a solid reason for doing so. If you look down a page you
have written and see that you are relying on forms of the verb be and other
weak verbs like seem and appear, you can often boil down what you have written
to a fraction of its size by revising with active verbs.
Here is an example:
It
is essential to acknowledge that one of the drawbacks to the increased
utilization of part-time employees is that people who are still engaged
full-time by the company are less likely to be committed to the recognition and
identification of problems in the production area.
This passage has 45 words. We can boil it down to 14 by cutting out
the unnecessary words, using active verbs, and using noun modifiers to do the
work of prepositional phrases:
Using more part-time employees often
makes full-time employees less willing to report production problems.
A certain amount of repetition and
redundancy has its uses. It never hurts to thank someone and add that you
appreciate what was done. The recapitulation of the major points in a
complicated essay can be a generous service to the reader, not a needless
repetition. If you keep focused on what you are trying to accomplish and on
what will help your readers or your listeners, you will have less need to
remember formal rules of good writing. You will be able to trust your instincts
and your ear.
5. Lexics of business letters
From the lexicological point of view
isolated words and phrases mean very little. In context they mean a great
deal, and in the special context of contractual undertakings they mean
everything. Contract English is a prose organised according to plan.
And it includes, without limitation, the
right but not the obligation to select words from a wide variety of verbal
implements and write clearly, accurately, and/or with style.
Two phases of writing contracts exist: in
the first, we react to proposed contracts drafted by somebody else, and in
the second, which presents greater challenge, we compose our own.
A good contract reads like a classic story.
It narrates, in orderly sequence, that one part should do this and another
should do that, and perhaps if certain events occur, the outcome will be
changed. All of the rate cards charts, and other reference material ought to be
ticked off one after another according to the sense of it. Tables and figures,
code words and mystical references are almost insulting unless organised
and defined. Without organisation they baffle, without definition they
entrap.
In strong stance one can send back the
offending document and request a substitute document in comprehensible
English. Otherwise a series of questions may be put by letter, and the replies
often will have contractual force if the document is later contested.
Now it appears logical to examine the
examples of favourite contract phrases, which will help ease the way to
fuller examination of entire negotiations and contracts. A full glossary is
beyond reach but in what follows there is a listing of words and phrases that
turn up in great many documents, with comments on each one. The words and
phrases are presented in plausible contract sequence, not alphabetically.
e.g. "Whereas the parties have engaged in
a series of transactions resulting in dispute over accounting
between them..."
On the whole "Whereas" is
acceptable, but what follows it needs particular care.
"It is understood and agreed"
On the one hand, it usually adds nothing, because every clause in the contract
is "understood and agreed" or it would not be written into it. On
the other hand, what it adds is an implication that other clauses are not
backed up by this phrase: by including the one you exclude the other. «It is
understood and agreed» ought to be banished.
"Hereinafter" A decent
enough little word doing the job of six ("Referred to later in this
document"). "Hereinafter" frequently sets up abbreviated names
for the contract parties.
e.g. "Knightsbridge International Drapes and
Fishmonger, Ltd (hereinafter "Knightsbridge").
"Including Without Limitation"
It is useful and at times essential phrase. Earlier I've noted that
mentioning certain things may exclude others by implication. Thus,
e.g. "You may assign your exclusive British and
Commonwealth rights"
suggests that you may not assign other rights assuming
you have any. Such pitfalls may be avoided by phrasing such as:
e.g. "You may assign any and all your
rights including without limitation your exclusive British and Commonwealth
rights".
But why specify any rights if all of them
are included? Psychology is the main reason; people want specific things
underscored in the contracts, and "Including Without
Limitation" indulges this prediction.
"Assignees and Licensees"
These are important words which acceptability depends on one's point of view
"Knightsbridge, its assignees and
licensees..."
suggests that Knightsbridge may hand you over to
somebody else after contracts are signed. If you yourself happen to be Knightsbridge,
you will want that particular right and should use the phrase.
"Without Prejudice" It is
a classic. The British use this phrase all by itself, leaving the reader
intrigued. "Without Prejudice" to what exactly? Americans spell
it out more elaborately, but if you stick to American way, remember
"Including Without Limitation", or you may accidentally exclude
something by implication. Legal rights, for example, are not the same thing
as remedies the law offers to enforce them. Thus the American might write:
"Without prejudice to any of my
existing or future rights or remedies..."
And this leads to another phrase.
"And/or" It is an
essential barbarism. In the preceding example I've used the disjunctive
"rights or remedies". This is not always good enough, and one may
run into trouble with
"Knightsbridge or Tefal or either of them
shall..."
What about both together? "Knightsbridge and
Tefal", perhaps, followed by "or either".
Occasionally the alternatives become overwhelming, thus and/or is
convenient and generally accepted, although more detail is better.
"Shall" If one says
"Knightsbridge and/or Tefal shall have..." or "will have...",
legally it should make no
difference in the case you are
consent in using one or the
other. "Shall",
however, is stronger than "will". Going from one to another might suggest that one obligation is stronger somehow than another. Perhaps, one's position may determine the choice. "You shall", however is bad form.
"Understanding" It is a dangerous word. If you
mean agreement you ought to say so. If you view of
affairs that there is no agreement, "understanding" as a noun suggests the opposite or comes close to it. .it stands, in fact, as a monument to unsatisfactory compromise. The softness of the word conjures up pleasing images. "In accordance with our understanding..." can be interpreted in a number of ways.
"Effect" Here is a
little word which uses are insufficiently
praised. Such a phrase as "We will produce..."
is inaccurate, because the work will be subcontracted
and the promise-maker technically defaults. Somebody
else does the producing. Why not say "We will produce or cause to be produced..."? This is in fact often said, but it jars the ear. Accordingly "We will effect production..."
highlights the point with greater skill.
"Idea" This word is bad
for your own side but helpful against others. Ideas as such are not generally
protected by law. If you submit something to a company with any hope of
reward you must find better phrasing than "my idea". Perhaps,
"my format" or possibly "my property"
is more appropriate. Naturally, if you can develop an idea into a
format or protectable property, the more ambitious phrasing will be
better justified.
"As between us" It is
useful, because people are always forgetting or neglecting to mention
that a great many interests may be involved in what appears to be
simple dialogue. "I reserve control over..." and "You
have the final power of decision over..." sound like division of
something into spheres, but frequently "I" am in turn
controlled by my investors and "You" - by a foreign parent
company, making the language of division inaccurate. Neither of
us really controls anything, at least ultimately.
Thus it will be useful to say, "As
between us, I control..." and so on.
"Spanning" Time periods
are awkward things: "...for a period commencing August,1 and
expiring November,15..." is clumsy; "...from August,1
to November,15..." is skeletal when informing how long a contract
obligation endures.
But during particular time periods one may be
reporting for work, for example, three days out of every five, or doing
something else that is within but not completely parallel to the entire time
period involved.
A happy solution is the word "Spanning".
It goes this way:
"Throughout the period spanning August,1 -
November,15 inclusive you will render services as a consultant three days
out of every five."
It will be useful to put "inclusive"
at the end for without it you may lose the date, concluding the period being
spanned.
"Negotiate in Good Faith"
The negotiators have worked until late at night, all points but one have
been worked out, the contract will never be signed without resolution of some
particular impasse. What is there to do?
Agree to "Negotiate in Good Faith" on
the disputed point at later time. This is done frequently, but make no
mistake about the outcome. The open point remains open. If it happens to be
vital you may have no contract at all. "Negotiate in Good Faith"
is one of those evasions that must be used sparingly. At the right time it prevents
collapse, at the wrong time it promotes it.
"Confirm" It suggests, of
course, that something has been agreed upon before. You are writing now only to
make a record of it. "I write to confirm that you admit
substantial default in delivery" Frequently we encounter it in
ordinary correspondence: "Confirming your order", "Confirming
the main points of our agreement", and so on.
"Furnish" It is a handy
word which usefulness lies in the avoidance of worse alternatives. Suppose
you transact to deliver a variety of elements as a package.
"Deliver" leaves out,
even though it may well be implied, the preliminary purchase or
engagement of these elements, and at the other end it goes very far in
suggesting responsibility for getting the package unscathed to where it
belongs. Alternatives also may go wrong, slightly, each with its own
implications. "Assign" involves legal title; "give"
is lame and probably untrue; "transmit" means send.
Thus each word misses some important -
detail or implies unnecessary things. "Furnish" is sometimes
useful when more popular words fall short or go too far. It has a good professional ring to it as well:
"I agree to furnish all of the elements listed
on Exhibit A annexed hereto and made part hereof by incorporation."
Who is responsible for non-delivery and related questions can be dealt with in separate
clauses. "Furnish" avoids jumping the gun. It keeps away from what
ought to be treated independently but fills up enough space to stand firm.
The word is good value.
"Right but Not Obligation"
One of the most splendid phrases available. Sometimes the grant of particular rights carries with it by implication a duty
to exploit them. Authors, for example, often feel betrayed by their publishes,
who have various rights "but do nothing about them." Royalties
decrease as a result; and this situation, whether or not it reflects real
criminality, is repeated in variety of industries and court cases. Accordingly it well suits the grantee of rights to make clear at the
very beginning that he may abandon them. This
possibility is more appropriately dealt with in separate clauses reciting the
consequences. Still, contracts have been known to
contain inconsistent provisions, and preliminary correspondence may not
even reach the subject of rights. A quick phrase helps
keep you out of trouble: "The Right but Not Obligation". Thus,
"We shall have the Right but Not
Obligation to grant sublicenses in Austria"("But if we fail, we
fail").
Even this magic phrase has its limitations
because good faith may require having a real go to exploiting the rights in
question. Nevertheless "Right but Not Obligation" is useful, so much so as to become incantation and be said
whenever circumstances allow it. I the other
side challenges these words, it will be better to know this at once
and work out alternatives or finish up the negotiations completely.
"Exclusive" It’s
importance in contract English is vast, and its omission creates
difficulties in good many informal drafts. Exclusivity as a contract term
means that somebody is -barred from dealing with others in a specified area.
Typically an employment may be exclusive in that the employee may not work
for any one else, or a license may be exclusive in the sense that no
competing licenses will be issued.
Antitrust problems cluster around
exclusive arrangements but they are not all automatically outlawed. It follows
that one ought to specify whether or not exclusivity is part of
many transactions. If not, the phrase "nonexclusive" does well
enough. On the other hand, if a consultant is to be engaged solely by one
company, or a distributorship awarded to nobody else except X, then "exclusive"
is a word that deserves recitation. "Exclusive Right but Not
Obligation" is an example that combines two phrases discussed here.
The linking of concepts is a step in building a vocabulary of contract
English.
"Solely on condition that"
One of the few phrases that can be considered better than its short
counterparts. Why not just "if"? Because "if" by
itself leaves open the possibility of open contingencies:
"If Baker delivers 1,000 barrels I will buy
them" is unclear if you will buy them only from Baker. Therefore
what about "only if"? Sometimes this works out, but not always.
"I will buy 1,000 barrels only if Baker delivers
them" is an example of "only if" going fuzzy. One possible
meaning is "not more than 1,000 barrels" with "only"
assimilated with the wrong word. Here then a more elaborate phrase is
justified.
"I will buy 1,000 barrels solely on condition
that Baker delivers them" makes everything clear.
"Subject to" Few
contracts can do without this phrase. Many promises can be made good only if
certain things occur. The right procedure is to spell out these
plausible impediments to the degree that you can reasonably foresee them.
E.g. :
"We will deliver these subject to our
receiving adequate supplies";
"Our agreement is subject to the laws of
Connecticut";
"Subject to circumstances beyond our control
".
"Repeat" This word is
often used in cables to emphasize a negative,
e.g. Do not REPEAT not send order 18551.
Or to emphasize an important detail,
e.g. Flight delayed by six REPEAT six hours.
Every now and then a scholarly phrase
becomes accepted in business usage.
"Pro rate" and "pari
passu" are Latin expressions but concern money. "Pro rata"
proves helpful when payments are to be in a proportion reflecting earlier
formulas in a contract. "Pari passu" is used when several
people are paid at the same level or time out of a common fund. Latin,
however, is not the only source of foreign phrases in business letters.
"Force majeure" is a
French phrase meaning circumstances beyond one's control.
English itself has plenty of rare words.
One example is "eschew"; how many times we see people
struggling with negatives such as "and we agree not to produce
(whatever it is) for a period of X". The more appropriate phrase would be
"we will eschew production".
But here it should be mentioned that not
everyone can understand such phrases. Therefore rare words should be used
only once in a long while. Those who uses them sparingly appears to be
reliable.
Abbreviations
Abbreviations
can be useful because they are quick to write and easy to read. But both
parties need to know what the abbreviations stand for.
The
abbreviations c.i.f. and f.o.b., for example, are recognized
internationally as meaning cost, insurance, and freight and free on
board. But can you be sure that your correspondent would know that o.n.o
means or nearest offer?
Some
international organizations, e.g. NATO, are know in all countries by the same
set of initials, but many are not, e.g. EEC (European Economic Community) and
UNO (United Nations Organization). National organizations, e.g. CBI
(Confederation of British Industry) and TUC (Trades Union Congress), are even
less likely to be known by their initials in other countries. So, if you are
not absolutely certain that an abbreviation will be easily recognized, do not
use it.
The
International Chamber of Commerce uses a set of terms for delivery in overseas
contracts - these are called Incoterms.
Now let
me examine some of the abbreviations most frequently used in business
correspondence.
c.i.f. - cost, insurance, freight.
If consignment is to be delivered according to
c.i.f., then the supplier insures the goods and pays for the whole delivery.
f.o.b. - free on board.
If consignment is to be delivered according to
f.o.b., then the supplier pays for transportation to port, steamer or air
shipment and dispatch; and the customer pays for onward transportation and
insurance.
f.o.r. - free on rail.
It is the same as f.o.b., but for railway
transportation.
c & f - cost and freight.
If consignment is to be delivered according to c
& f, then the supplier pays for the whole delivery and the customer - for
insurance.
CPT ( Carriage Paid To) named place
of destination
Delivery happens when goods are given to the carrier
(if more than one, the first carrier, or a freight forwarder). The seller pays
the costs of delivery to the named place and the buyer's risks start from here.
CIP (Carriage and Insurance Paid)
named place of destination
Delivery occurs, as in CPT with the buyer's risks
being the same. The only change is the exporter pays the cost of cargo
insurance.
DAF (Delivery at Frontier) named place
Delivery happens when the buyer gets the goods at a
named place on the frontier, cleared for export, but not cleared for import.
The buyer assumes risks from here. The exporter pays all the costs to this
point, but does not pay for unloading or import clearing charges.
DES (Delivery Ex Ship) named port of destination
Delivery happens when buyer gets goods at named port.
He then assumes all risks, but the exporter pays all costs to that point, but
not unloading or import clearance.
DEQ (Delivery Ex Quay - Duty Paid)
named port of destination
Delivery happens when the buyer gets the goods on
his/her quay (dock) and assumes all risks from that point.
DES and DEQ can only be used
for sea and inland waterways.
DDU (Delivery Duty Unpaid) named
place of destination
Delivery takes place when the buyer gets the goods at
the named place in the importing country and takes all the risks thereafter.
The seller pays all costs to this point, but not duties and taxes.
DDP (Delivery Duty Paid) named place
of destination
Delivery happens as in DDU, with the buyer taking the
same risks. The seller pays all costs to this point including duties and taxes.
Ex-Works (EXW) e.g. from the factory
or warehouse
Seller packs and prepares goods for dispatch with
delivery taking place at his/her factory or warehouse. The buyer now takes all
transit risks.
FCA
(Free Carrier) named place e.g. where the carrier - the plane or ship etc.,
pick up goods
Delivery
occurs when the seller gives the goods to the carrier (airline, shipping
company, or freight forwarder) who is named by the buyer. The seller will pay
all the costs up to the point, including export formalities and licences. From
this point the buyer takes the risks for the goods and transit.
FAS (Free
Alongside Ship) with port of shipment named e.g. where the goods are
leaving from
Delivery
occurs alongside the ship named by the buyer at the named port of the shipment.
The buyer has the expense of loading. The seller pays costs up to and including
delivery alongside the ship, including all documentation. This term is only
used for sea and inland waterways.
Here
is list of abbreviations not mentioned above:
A/C,
a/c acc. - account current
adsd
- addressed
adse
- addressee
ad
- advertisement, pl- ads
a.m.
- ante meridiem, afternoon
app.
- appendix
ASAP-as
soon as possible
AWB
- air way bill
attn.
- attention
B/E,
B.E., b.e. - bill of exchange
B/L,
B.L., b/l, b.l., - bill of landing
cc.,
cc - copies
CEO
-chief executive officer
Cf.
- confer, compare
Co.
- company
COD
- cash on delivery
contr.
- contract
corp.
- corporation
cur.
- 1.currency, 2. Current
CV
-curriculum vitae
dd
- 1.dated; 2.delivered
dep.,
dept., - department
doc.
- document,( pl-docs)
doz.,
dz. - dozen
eaon
- except as otherwise noted
e.g.
- exempli gratia, for example
enc.,
encl., - enclosed, enclosure
exc.,
excl. - except, exception, exclude, exclusion
expn
- expiration
fig.
- 1.figure (1,2 ,3 ); 2.picture, scheme
FY
- fiscal year
h.a.
- hoc anno- this year
hf.
-half
H.Q.,
HQ, h.q. - headquaters
id.
- idem- the same
i.e.,
ie -id est- that is
inc.,
incl. - including
inc.,
inc - incorporated
info
- information
inv.
- invoice
IOU
- I owe you
L/C,
l.c. l/c - letter of credit
LLC
- limited liability company
Ltd.,
ltd. - limited
LOC
- letter of commitment
mdse
- merchandise, goods
memo
- memorandum
M.O.,
m.o. - 1. mail order, 2. Money order
M.T.
- metric ton
MV
- merchant (motor) vessel
N/A
- not applicable
N.B.,
NB - nota bene- an important note
NC,
N.C., n/c - no charge, free
o/l
- our letter
PA
- power of attorney
p.a.-
per annum - per year
par.
- paragraph
Plc,
PLC - public limited company
PO
- post office
pp.
- pages
pp,
p.p. per pro- on behalf of
qv
- quod vide- see there
R&D
- research and development
rct
- receipt
rept
– report
re
- 1 regarding, 2. Reply
ref.
- reference
RSVR
- rependez s'il vous plais- reply please
RMS
- root-mean-square
Shipt
- shipment
Sig
- signature
tn.
- ton
urgt
- urgent
v.,
vs. -versus
VAT
- value-added tax
VIP
- very important person
v.s.
- vide supra- see above
v.v
- vice versa-
w/
- with
w/o
- without
&
- and
@
- at (when stating a unit price)
# - number (AE)